American Inventor #2019

Posted by Robert on the 28th of March, 2007 at 3:18 PM GMT0. Permalink.
Tags: American Inventor, Ice Ramps, Personal, San Francisco

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When I posted this, I was listening to: VNV Nation - Dark Angel

As you may have heard, I did the unthinkable. I auditioned for a reality television show.

Well, I didn't. Ice Ramps did. I was just a vehicle for that to happen. When Dale found out another season of American Inventor was being made, he decided the show would be great for Ice Ramps. Not only would we get free air time, a chance at getting the $50,000 seed money would be a big help.

Unfortunately, Dale was being deployed to Iraq weeks before the auditions started. Dale worked out the details with the American Inventor crew. We could audition if Dale waived his rights to the invention for the purposes of the show. I agreed to follow through with the American Inventor auditions.

I thought we were a good fit because we had a project that was pretty developed, but needed a good deal of work. We had a good story. Dale was deployed to Iraq. That tugs at the heartstrings of most people. Charles was an Olympian, a quintessential American athlete. We were in a good position.

I had my concerns, of course. I would be risking my financial security if we made it through the first round. That weighed heavily on me for awhile, but I decided that I'd see it through. I'm still young. I could make it work. It might even open new doors. Naively, I thought that having a cohort would relieve some of the requirements. So, I got Charles involved in the project.

As the weeks wore on, American Inventor finally released the dates and locations of the auditions. Since I hadn't really been working on presentation material, I opted to skip the Los Angeles audition and head up to San Francisco, where Charles lives. Dale signed me up and forwarded me the application. We decided to submit the Ice Ramp and Ice Ramps Frame as separate inventions. This turned out to be a bad thing for me.

Dale deployed to Iraq within the next week. Not much later, I received a package containing all our prototype frames and enough skate boots to attach them to.

Three weeks before auditions, I opened the application. For one person with one invention, the application was 40 pages. Each page had to be completed. By submitting both ideas with two inventors, the paperwork practically doubled. I decided to drink and do paperwork Friday night. I got about three pages into the application before I got confused about whether I should fill it out for Dale (by power of attorney) or fill it out as myself. I gave up and sent a question to American Inventor. I decided to work on it later.

They got back to me on Monday. Their reply helped a little, but didn't fully answer my questions. That weekend, I replayed my plan from the week before. Since I had power of attorney, I made liberal use of it, quoting costs and the like that Dale had told me. I signed the consent and various forms as Dale, with my name signed below. It took me about four hours to get through the entire application. There were a few questionable clauses in the document, but American Inventor seemed on the up-and-up (that is, they didn't want to out-right steal our ideas). One thing that became clear is that there would be no way I could hold down my job and do this show. Further, Charles and I couldn't share duties during filming. We'd both have to be there.

I spent the next week trying to figure out exactly what I needed to do. I wasn't sure if I should prepare a presentation or not. I did my best to collect my ideas, but nothing really came. The weekend rolled around. I had one week to get my shit together. I decided I'd torture myself during the week. Sunday, I tried to edit a video and lost all my data on a corrupted file. It wasn't the best way to start the week.

Monday, I started editing the video again around 5:45 PM. By 4:00 AM on Tuesday, I had a really great DVD. I burned 10 copies, and crawled into bed. Tuesday, after work, I slept (or tried to sleep, though there were some interruptions). Wednesday was used to print out as many as my printer would allow of the 40 photos I had amassed over the year or so since Ice Ramps was born.

By Thursday, I was pretty confident about the material I had. I printed off a copy of the pages Charles would need to fill out and put them in the folder with the rest of the application. I got my bags prepared, and rested.

I'm not clear when Vieve decided to get in touch with her family in San Francisco. It might have been Wednesday. She might have actually contacted them Thursday. Whatever the case, Vieve decided to ride up to San Francisco with me Friday. We could stay at her aunt's place Friday night. Saturday, I had decided to stay at Charles' friend's house. She had a small side room that was available. Charles decided to stay there as well. Having both of us in the same place would make it easier to get to the audition.

Friday, I got off work a little early to avoid traffic. I met Vieve at my place. We packed my car and got on the road. Around 10:00 PM, we were in the San Francisco area. By midnight, after several botched attempts at getting directions, we arrived in San Rafael at the dwelling known as The Dodge Lodge. We were welcomed with open arms. We chatted with Vieve's cousins and aunt a little, then went to sleep.

Saturday, I was on edge about when to meet with Charles. Luckily for me, his mother-in-law had some car troubles. That gave me until 7:00 PM to hang out with Vieve and her family. We went for a hike in Mill Valley (which was incidentally where a previous adventure occurred). It was a really nice walk and I got to spend some time relaxing instead of stressing over preparing for the auditions. After, we headed back to San Rafael.

Vieve borrowed her cousin's van and took me back to Mill Valley to meet up with Charles. We followed him to his friend's house. Vieve dropped me off and headed back to her aunt's to eat dinner. Charles and I chatted with his friend. We soon realized we had no way of getting food. Eventually, his friend let us borrow her car. The car hadn't been cranked in three months. The batter might be dead, we were informed. It was. We tried to find a pizza delivery to no avail. Then Charles realized the car was a manual transmission.

Being that we were in the hills of Marin County, Charles decided we'd use the clutch dumping technique to start the car. I pushed the car (with him in it) out of the drive way. He coasted down the hill and dumped the clutch. The car didn't start. This happened several times. We were slowly getting to a logical parking point, after which, we may not have blocked the road if we stopped. We were about to give up when Charles had one more idea. Fearing the worst, I pushed the car forward. At the last second, the car started.

We drove down to the super market, grabbed some steaks, and headed home. After cooking food, and making sandwiches for the long wait ahead of us on Sunday, I called it an early night. I set my alarm for 4:50 AM and crashed out around 10:30 PM.

It was dark when I woke up. I took a shower and eventually ended up in Charles' car with him and his wife. I don't remember that part very well. We arrived at the Regency Ballroom around 6:10 AM. The web site said arriving before 6:00 AM was not allowed. So, we got there as early as we could. The line was already wrapped around the building and half way down the alley. In the dark early morning drizzle, Charles and I tried to remain enthusiastic. Charles told stories, and I ate PopTarts. We chatted with those around us on occasion.

Around 8:00 AM, the crew showed up with their cameras. Various crews instigated chants of San Fran! San Fran! ad nausium. Several camera men ran down the line, causing a wave of screams. By this point, the line wrapped around the entire building. The line slowly started to compresses. Within a few hours we had moved half way up the alley from where we were. Charles and I avoided screaming and chanting as much as possible.

Charles wondered around sometimes to entertain himself. Notable moments were the guy with what looked like a ray gun that turned out to be a new type of motor and the crippled guy with the really cool go cart. The crippled guy was from Reno, Nevada. He had built what amounted to a Honda lawn mower powered wheel chair. It was rear wheel drive with positraction. He used bike tires so that he could ride onto and off of curbs. It even had a massive suspension. He was there to present some ideas he had to change the way handicapped people get around. I don't know if he made the cut, but I'll be he did.

By 10:30, we had rounded the corner and were standing in front of the building. By 11:30, we were inside the building. First, we had baggage check. The security guard asked if I had any knives. I told him, No. I travel light. Next was the wand. Then it was on to turn in the application. This, of course, was a difficult process because of Dale's absence. It turned out I couldn't really use my Power of Attorney that much. I ended up having to change a few things on the form. After half an hour, everything was sorted out and we were on our way to the holding room. We were number 2019A. The letter meant that we were in one of the lines that needed audio visual equipment. The number was mostly arbitrary.

At this point, I received some papers telling me a little more about what to expect. It turns out that there are two pre-qualifying rounds in front of a producer. We would be given two minutes to explain our invention. If the producer accepted, we'd get to see another producer later in the day for another two minute pitch. If the second producer liked it, we'd come back later in the week to see the celebrity panel. If any producer rejected the idea, your day was over.

We walked downstairs to the holding room. The ballroom was a sea of inventors and chairs with a few camera crews bobbing around like buoys. Charles sat roughly in our area beside someone that was in line beside us. Charles chatted with the husband and wife, learning about their invention (that they were keeping secret before). It was a neat idea to keep purses safe in casinos. I saw them leave a few hours later. They didn't look very happy.

At some point, someone official asked me if I had been spoken to. I told her we hadn't. She asked me to explain my invention. I did. She said something that I can't remember and walked away. I believe she was scouting for crazies to interview. I should have let Charles explain it. By that point, he was going a little nutty himself.

Charles eventually started walking around trying to see what people were doing. I watched a guy that I can only describe as the amalgamation of Charles Manson and a children's show host have a filmed debate about his product against someone else's. His opponent had an air conditioning vest that made him look like a futuristic soldier. Howdy Manson had a spray that was supposed to regulate body temperature by preventing over heating and over cooling. Charles talked to him later and decided that it was a crock.

Two other interviews unfolded before me. One inventor was a guy I saw outside the building that I thought was homeless. He was a talk black man who had shaved his beard so that he had spirals on his cheeks. His goatee was wrapped in rubber bands. Otherwise, he was dressed like a gunslinger in a long leather coat and cowboy boots. Charles and I couldn't figure out what his invention was. Only that it was a pair of gloves that could be turned inside out. We were betting he was homeless and made the invention up on the fly to get in out of the crappy weather.

The other interview was a kid with a weird bowl cut. He had a pair of converse with pendants stuck to them. I couldn't hear him talking, but it seemed that his invention was some way to stick pendants onto the outside of shoes to customize them. He had a backboard with examples.

Not long after, a black guy came out enthusiastically waving some paper. He was pushing a lawnmower. He had apparently added an edger to the lawnmower. It was an interesting idea. The judges thought so too, as he had made it through the first two rounds and would be seeing the celebrity panel the following Wednesday. Charles spoke to him. Charles suggested that the guy open his pitch with, I made this lawnmower in my wife's kitchen. Charles reckoned that it would capture the judges attention really well. The guy liked it.

Charles also spoke with another guy who claimed to own the patent on some kind of devil sticks. He was busy all day playing with devil sticks (but it was only the baton and one stick). He looked like a professional baton twirler. He even smiled like one when he'd twirl. That guy was in line behind us later. He brought some telescoping plastic tube that could be used as seven different products including a massage tool. I don't know what happened to him.

There was one celebrity there. It was the Kyle, the kid from season one who invented the solar powered car and dog cooler thing. Charles ended up talking to him as well. I asked why. He said something like, Well, I didn't know what kid you meant. So, I went to get a closer look. I immediately figured out who you meant. But his parents were with him and I didn't want to seem like a weirdo staring at their kid. So, I said, I know you. You're that kid from season one. You made the dog cooler. That was awesome. One of the best inventions I saw. The kid was surprised I recognized him and said thanks a lot.

Around 3:00 PM, the guy who had written down our number found us and put us in a different line. This was the short line to the audition. Within another half hour, we were waiting in the green room. It wasn't really a special room. It was a smaller ballroom. Inside it were four booths. Each 12 foot tall booth was made of PVC pipes with black drapes to the floor. Inside the booth was a producer, a guy on a computer, and a guy filming. In booth A and C, there were televisions and DVD players. We sat around for a few minutes. Charles wondered around and got into things. After five minutes, it was our turn to present.

We were told to say our name, invention, and number into the camera. After that, we had two minutes to explain our idea. To be clear, two minutes is not a lot of time. The video I had made was a minute and forty-five seconds. In order to show the video, I had to talk over it. Having prepared no presentation, deciding to wing it, turned out to be the best. However, it was a difficult task. I had to speak on the fly and make certain that what I was saying coincided with the video. The fact that we were actually being timed made me worry about finishing. Fortunately, I was able to say everything I had to say (mentioned Dale, talked about the blades, and talked about the ramps) by essentially speed talking. Charles said his bit after the timer had gone off, explaining his relationship to the Olympics and the project.

In the end, the producer, while enthusiastic, said that the current market wasn't sufficient for the show. In other words, the show won't be able to make tons of money off the invention as soon as the show ends. So, we were out after the first round. Charles tried to get more information, but they were offering none. They gave us a sheet of paper that relinquished us from any obligation to American Inventor and we headed out for food.

Charles and I discussed what the next steps for Ice Ramps were over pizza. Forty-five minutes later, we parted ways. Vieve picked me up, and we went back to her aunt's house. I took a two hour nap. We left shortly after.

The ride home was filled with various conversation. The parts of the conversation that summed up the weekend were this: In context of American Inventor itself, I would have rather stayed home. The work leading up to the audition and the audition day were not particularly enjoyable or fulfilling. If it weren't for Charles' company, I would have been miserable. I have no desire do this sort of audition again. However, the weekend was great overall. In that context, I'm glad we did American Inventor because I got to hang out with Vieve, play with her family, and get to see parts of San Francisco that I wouldn't have seen otherwise.

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