Reflecting God

Posted by Robert on the 30th of December, 2005 at 3:19 AM GMT0. Permalink.
Tags: New Year, Personal

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When I posted this, I was listening to: Third Eye Blind - God of Wine

What makes a year good?

This is a question I've been thinking about for the past two or three weeks. Sometimes, I tend to not consider all things. Sometimes, I only think of the immediate.

A week ago, if I applied that sentiment to this year, I'd have told you it's the worst year of my life. It turns out that it was just one of the worst weeks of my life. In one week, four people's intertwining relationships were changed forever, seemingly for the detriment of life-as-we-knew-it.

Following that sentiment, this week I'd tell you it was one of the best years. I had a great Christmas Eve / Early Christmas (even though I ended up with one of the worst hangovers I've ever had under my proverbial Christmas Tree).

So, I'm trying to think in months instead of weeks and weigh the pros against cons to really decide. The problem is that I live my life at zero. That is, most of the time I'm not explicitly happy or explicitly unhappy. I am neutral. I like it this way. However, it makes judging interesting. I have to query my memory for the times I wasn't neutral.

In this light, I'm going to make a list and check it twice. I'm being brutally honest, here.

Pros: slowly building new relationships, slowly building cherished relationships, a rewarding job, paying off debt, paul being around, anna visiting, JJ visiting, daniel visiting, alex visiting, paul moving out, realizing (at my core) I am a problem solver, summer hours, visiting home, realizing I have a new home, realizing I am single, having a really great time with someone you only hung out with once and barely knew, House making Tuesday nights worthwhile, realizing my mom didn't have a reason to worry about my drinking, H.I.M., new pants, writing good/rewarding code, spending time alone, RX-8 Club meets in O.C., Kris visiting, the quiet things that no one ever knows, making out with a porn star, realizing how much I love life every time vodka stimulates my ability to feel emotions.

Cons: watching a relationship deteriorate, broken water heaters, hard times at the job, owing money, obsessing over girls that eventually flake out on me, having a really great time with someone you only hung out with once and barely knew and not getting to do it again, thinking my mom might have a reason to worry about my drinking, feeling emotionally inept, rain, rain, more rain, spending time alone, kicking in my front door, friends that lose themselves to an L.A. mentality, the effects that friends who lose themselves to an L.A. mentality on other friends, strep throat, not being able to be there for a friend who needed me, only making out with a porn star once, deadly weather, gas prices, high cost of living.

Ok. So, I still don't know if this was a good year or a bad year. It's an impossible equation. I guess, in the end, any year that I am breathing is a good one. Maybe that is the only qualifier. I still don't have an answer, but I'm happy for all the experiences. Thanks to everyone who was involved. You help define me.

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Comments:

1. Untitled

   by Dale Campbell on the 2nd of January, 2006 at 3:21 AM GMT0. Permalink.

   I don't think I'm as neutral as you describe yourself, Rob but I do tend to be serious a lot unless the Vino (Lambrusco) or beer is in affect LOL But I did smile as I was teleported back to my childhood when recently played Spy Hunter for the first time in many years. (I bought the game and I'm sure you could post a pic I e-mailed you) So right now the secret to happiness is... arcade games esp Spy Hunter. So buy a game for yourself oh you can store it at the park for free LOL

   Dale

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