The Entire Door Story

Posted by Robert on the 17th of September, 2005 at 11:33 PM GMT0. Permalink.
Tags: Drinking, Home Improvement, Personal

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When I posted this, I was listening to: Bush - Alien

Okay. So, you guys saw my rant from last night. Here is the story behind it...

Friday night, Erin and Adam came over. They apparently broke up on the way over here. Erin was supposed to do shots with me, but she was too upset to go along. At some point, she said she wished he'd pass out. So, I tried to help him along (a.k.a. drink him under the table). Adam, however, was determined to go to Taco Bell, so he was persistent in his consciousness. Erin finally agreed to take us to Taco Bell, even though she wanted In-N-Out. I don't remember getting my stuff and going outside. I just remember being outside and realizing my keys weren't on me. So, I said something. After attempting to find some other way into the house, Adam decided we should kick the door in. He argued that it'd be cheaper than calling a locksmith or breaking some glass. After the whole ordeal is over, I think he was wrong. But, I wasn't thinking straight enough to argue. So, the door got kicked in. Then we went to Taco Bell. It was the best 1/2 Pound Beef Combo Burrito I've ever had in my life. As soon as we got back, Adam passed out.

We woke up around noon Saturday. Fortunately, the door wasn't solid. So, the door frame was fine. Just the lock and the door were broken. Adam and I went to Home Depot to get a door. The closest one we could find was a 36 inch solid door. So, we got it. It was $57. At this point, I started to realize a locksmith would have been a better idea.

We got the door home only to find out that it was about 1/4 inch too tall and 1/4-1/5 inch too wide. So, we needed to trim it down. That meant I had to get some tools. We put the new lock on the old door, grabbed some food, and went to Target.

Target carries two brands of power tools: Black and Decker and Durabuilt. I was going to get a corded Black and Decker circular saw and a cordless Black and Decker drill (because they were out of corded ones). Then we saw a 14 volt cordless Durabuilt set on sale for $70. For the same price I would have paid for the Black and Decker drill and saw, I got two batteries, a drill, a jig saw, a circular saw, a sander, and a flashlight. Both saws have lasers to help keep a straight line. I'm pretty happy with the set. BUT, cordless tools have to charge. While the first one charged, we watch Minority Report. When it was done charging, I went to make the initial cut on the door. It turns out that the blade was too short to cut through the door. So, I had to make two cuts. Also, the batter died before I finished doing the 80 inch cut. Back to the charger with it.

Adam and Erin left after that. I was left alone to lug around the solid door. By 7:00, I had the door mounted. I then found out that I hadn't cut enough off. I put the batteries back on the charger and went to get some wine. By the time I got back, the battery were charged. I remeasured, and got back to cutting. It was a lot like working at the skate park. Drink wine and use power tools. The smell of saw dust everywhere. Good memories.

By 9:00, I had the door mounted again. This time, it fit... sort of. There was a decent gap at the hinges that I could feel fresh air flowing through. I decided I should counter sink the hinges.

Of course, I didn't have tools to do this. I improvised. I used the jig saw and the circular saw to mark out the lines, then used a flat head screw driver as a chisel. Two bad things happened:

I had already cut through the door's frame and reached the particle board core. Fuck.
The counter sink depth was two times too deep. Fuck.

The door wouldn't hold screws, and even if it did, the door wouldn't shut properly. Tired and frustrated, I remounted the old door and slid our couches behind it incase anyone tried to get in. I made the post and tried to figure out how to undo my screw up. I decided to make spacers and use longer screws. J agreed that'd be the best thing to do.

I woke up around noon and went back to Home Depot. I picked up some wood glue and some 1.5 inch course thread screws. I made the spacers from the left over cuts from the night before. I also cleaned up the edges some with a mixture of wood glue and saw dust. After making two sets of spacers, I got the door mounted and drilled the hole for the lock to fit.

I cleaned up my mess, got some more wine (sangiovese, The Blood of Jove, is my new poison for awhile), and went to Burger King for my victory burger.

It was a shitty weekend. At least it is over.

Now, I just need some paint.

We recorded a video reenactment (transcript below) and I recorded a way in which I coped with frustration (it's me playing with a bottle cap).

The transcription is as follows:

Adam is standing outside of my house by the front door.

Adam: Well, Robert locked his keys out of his house [sic]. So, this is just a reenactment, but let me show you what happened.

Adam kicks in the door effortlessly, since it was already broken at this point.

Adam: It's open though. It's open. Come take a look. Come inside. Come on.

The camera is already moving into the front door. The camera shows the broken door.

Adam: It took three or four swipes, but, as you can see, we got the job done. We had to go buy another door, which you'll see here shortly... being installed.

The camera is examining the door. The door begins to close. The vide ends as the door makes contact with the frame.